Baby Camael Musso 7/15/2011 (conception) to 9/26/2011 (the day you were taken from my womb)

Our sweet Camael...

You left us way too soon I am praying that somehow God will allow you to hear these things that mommy wants you to know....

The minute I found out about you, I fell in love with you. I spent many nights in bed thinking about you, praying for you and thinking about a future with you. It is taking me some time to remember that you are no longer in my womb as I sometimes still feel you there...

I know your life was not an accident. Many people ask if you were planned...you and I both know that our Maker new exactly when your life would start and end. I know He is holding you and is now giving you a better life than I ever could...yet I wish it could have been with all of us here.

Thank you for saying hello those two times I got to see your precious little heart beating. It is one of the most intimate and cherished moments a mommy could ever have. Even though I couldn't hug you, it was the sweetest thing knowing that I was holding you as close as I possibly could...in my womb.

I am glad that God chose me to be your mommy and am honored that it will never end. I hope you felt my love for you every time I thought about or spoke to you...hope you feel and know it even still.

Your big brother and big sister had so many plans with you but I know that they will understand that God had a different plan instead. Every time I hold them I will be thinking about you too.

Your with C.J. now and I hope that you both know that I feel the same way about both of you and love you both just as much as your big brother and sister.

I know people won't understand when I tell them I have four children and see only two with us but you see, I can see with eternal eyes that we are more than just flesh and blood and that your souls live on. I know that some day I will be able to hold you and C.J. in heaven and be with all of my children.

Losing you was hard on mommy emotionally and physically and just as much as it would have been worth the pain and emotion to deliver you at 9 months, it was worth the pain and emotion to see your little body for a short time so I could say goodbye. I am so thankful to God that He allowed me to see you...give Him a hug and kiss for me.

Your daddy is an amazing father and I know he loved you so...he grieves in his own way. I will hug him for you when he's feeling sad and tickle his head like your big brother and sister do. I will sing with him until either one of us is taken home to be with you.
  
I have a request that you befriend little ones like you who have left their mommies and daddies just as soon as you did. I know you all get to worship God face to face. We will continue worshiping down here with the blessing of knowing that we are all a part of a bigger chorus singing with the angels out of love for our Great God Almighty who loves us all so much.

I knew that God was with you in my womb the whole time. Sometimes I picture God being very big but then I realize He is even in the smallest of places. I know I don't have to tell you much more about God because you are right there with Him and He is telling you the rest.

I think about you so much and as any mother would, worry if you are safe and warm. Then God's quiet voice reassures me that you are as safe as you can be.

I was given a blanket in your honor that I can hold on to as I think about you...especially when I am sad. Sometimes I pray that God will give me a dream about how you are doing so that I can rest assured that you are happy and full of life.

There is so much more that I could say and I wish you didn't have to go. There is not a single person or thing that could replace you. I love all of my children and know that God created each of you uniquely and with a purpose. I know that the lives of my two angel babies in heaven have a purpose here on earth.

Your daddy, brother, sister and I will never ever forget you or C.J. I am forever grateful that I got to carry you both and as much as I wonder why my womb wasn't the best place for you, I hear God telling me He is carrying you the rest of the way.

Your daddy and I will always be a mother and father to each one of you. You have already done so much to bring your daddy and I closer together and we are grateful.
Your brother and sister will be sad to know they won't get to meet you when they thought they would but I know the Lord will comfort them.

We embrace the Father with you and send you to his care with a name...Camael. Camael is the Angel of Joy and believed to be the angel that attended to Jesus in his agony in the Garden at Gethsemane. Your name means "one who sees God."

Love you more than words could say...
Mommy, Daddy, Christian and Josephine